A Bad Marriage Is Fattening
Can a bad marriage really be fattening? Yes it can! In my own bad marriage I went from 125 pounds to 275 pounds 20 years later. This is the story of how my unhappy marriage made me fat — and how I divorced my husband and moved on to a happier new life.

My Wedding Day: Part 1 Who’s In The Driver’s Seat?

Friday, August 1st, 1980 was the day I had waited ten years for.  Paul and I were getting married.  The night before we had made our plans.  I was to pick Paul up at the hospital at seven in the morning, after he had finished working his night shift.  We then were going to drive to City Hall in downtown Los Angeles — where we would fill out the application for our marriage license and get married by a judge.  It all seemed so simple.  What could possible go wrong?

Everything, it seemed.

It started out with me being twenty-five minutes late.  When Paul climbed into the car he had an agitated look on his face.  “Here it comes,” I thought.  Paul had thought things over and decided that ten years of going together was just not enough time to rush into something as important as marriage.  After all, marriage was a big commitment.

I braced myself for the words I imagined Paul was about to say, “I’m getting closer to marriage, Joanie.  I’m just not quite there yet.  What do you say we forget about getting married today and go out and have a nice breakfast at Nate ‘n Al’s Delicatessen?  You like their lox and onion omelet with a potato pancake.”

I was trying to figure out what I would say if Paul offered me a lox and onion omelet with a potato pancake instead of marriage when he said sharply, “What is it with you that you can never be on time for anything?  I would have thought that today you would have been on time for sure.  Instead you’re almost a half hour late.  I bet you’ll even be late for your own funeral!”

“I’m sorry, Paul.”

“Do you have any idea how annoying it is to always have to wait for you?”

Like it wasn’t annoying for me to wait ten years for Paul to marry me?

“Let’s not start the day off by arguing.”

“Well, if you had been on time!”

“Do you know how to get to City Hall?”

“I never go downtown.”

“I’ll find it.”

“I’m sure you will,” Paul said.  He rested back in the seat and closed his eyes.

“Busy night?”

“Brutal.”

I momentarily turned my attention off the road and looked at Paul.  “I’m sorry you had such a rough night.”

Suddenly Paul opened his eyes and screamed, “Watch the road!”

I slammed on the brakes.  I had almost driven through a red light.  The car jerked back and forth.  “What are you trying to do — get us both killed?”  Paul put his hand up to his forehead in distress.  “This is not at all how I visualized my wedding day would be.”

“How did you visualize it?”

“Well, for one thing, I always thought that I would be in the driver’s seat,” Paul said.

(To be continued. . .)

33 Responses to “My Wedding Day: Part 1 Who’s In The Driver’s Seat?”

  1. It does seem that wedding days don’t go as planned oft times. Joan, in your writing of this exchange of words, you conveyed quite nicely your feelings of uncertainty of the wedding ever occurring (and I was expecting that to happen). Also your love for Paul was quite evident because despite the darts, you were caring, loving and supportive.

    I think the fact that he did not feel he was in the driver’s seat after ten years is quite a statement. I am very curious as to how you responded. Just reading it made me think, “Oh, my God!”

  2. Bev, I cannot give away what happens, because then I would be getting ahead of my story, but my wedding day and what happened very shortly after Paul and I got married is a total shocker — and I think that you will agree with me after you read it!

    Thanks for being such a loyal reader. 🙂

  3. Girl, I’m on the edge of my seat! How long do we have to wait for the rest of the story?

  4. You are a strong woman, Joan. Your gift for writing will help many women who have suffered from verbal abuse as they learn from your example. You go, girl!

    • Patti, I started writing this blog one year ago, on January 1st 2010, because I felt passionate about the story I had to tell. You see, I did not feel that I was alone. I thought that there must be millions of women, like me, who felt trapped in unhappy marriages and turned to food for comfort and to numb their feelings.

      By telling my own story truthfully, I hope that any of my readers who feel trapped in unhappy marriages might glimpse pieces of themselves in me and gain insight into why they have chosen to stay in an unhappy marriage. It is only by understanding ourselves that we are finally free to move on with our lives.

  5. love the way you can find humor in an otherwise sad story……….I’m on pins and needles waiting for more:)

  6. I can’t wait to read the rest.

  7. I think the lox and onion omelet with potato pancake would have been a much better option. Maybe YOU should have been the one to suggest it to him! Then you would have seen what his true feelings were.

    • Katlupe, on my wedding day I wasn’t thinking about food. And what do you mean I should have tested what Paul’s true feelings were for me? Isn’t it obvious that he was head over heels in love with me?

      You mean it isn’t obvious that Paul was deeply in love with me? I’m going to have to go back and reread that post. I was sure that I made Paul’s feelings for me obvious! 🙂

  8. No, it did not sound like he was madly in love with you. He sounded like he was thinking you could take care of everything for him. And he could lean back and close his eyes, thinking,”Joan will take care of the details of my life now.”

  9. Mama mia! What a lovely start to your nightmare! Well, I’m glad you didn’t die while driving almost through a red light. It really is easy to do when your mind is preoccupied with happiness or depression. Either way, it is very dangerous.

    By the way, what a terrible place to stop the story! Just when I was getting on a roll. 😮

  10. Redhead Riter, I’m working on my next post — honest I am! 🙂

  11. Haven’t posted before, but am now very interested because I find myself in a similar boat. 17 years and 35 pounds later, and never thinking it would happen to me, I am heading for divorce after a long self-destructive period. Will keep reading…

    • Lisa, welcome and thank you for being a new reader to my blog. It is so true what you wrote — none of us every dreamed that we would end up in this boat. And although our stories may differ — we all ended up in a similar boat!

      You might want to read some archive posts and see if any resonate with you.

      I know that what you are going through now is an emotionally trying time, but I can assure you that there is life after divorce — and for me my life turned out so much better. I hope just knowing that might give you some hope!

  12. I just finished reading every entry in your blog. I am loving it, and now will be a faithful follower. You are awesome woman!!!!

  13. I keep looking for the new post. You make me anxious to read the next one.

    • Katlupe, thank you for being anxious to read my new post! I do have a good reason why my new post has not been written yet! I am out of town right now attending a writers conference — but I do have a long plane trip back home and maybe I can get it written on the trip back! 🙂

  14. Wow, Great post about marriage and power struggles! I was tagged in a game and if you have time to play it, fine, it not that’s ok, too!
    Cheers! I recently won The Stylish Blogger Award and now I am passing it onto you. Congratulations! Find out the award details here: http://blog.birthtouch.com Namaste, Kathy

  15. Still waiting………..

  16. Wow! What a brilliant start to reading your blog!
    You’re such a gifted writer, Joan! (You *are* planning to make a book out of this, aren’t you? Hint! Hint!)

  17. I was only in my bad and fattening marriage for 4 years but that was 4 too long! Love what I’ve read so far!!!

  18. I just discovered your blog, and you are indeed a wonderful writer. I love your narrative style, and I will definitely be coming back to read more.

    • Storm, welcome to my blog and thank you for your kind words about my writing! I have said it before — and I will say it again, “It is always music to a writer’s ears when someone enjoys their writing.” Contrary to what some people might think, since I have not posted a new post since January 10th 2011, I have not abandoned this blog. I did, however, take time off from my writing because at the end of January I suffered three blood clots from a plane trip I took. I was hospitalized and while in the hospital I developed three more blood clots — so I ended up with six blood clots! I have now fully recovered and I will return back to writing this blog! I want to thank all my readers for their patience and understanding as to why it has been such a long time since I have posted.


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