Curse Of The Redhead Riter: Part 4 Locusts And Frogs

Paul continued telling me his story. . .

“As soon as I told Desireé that she had swallowed a frog, her eyes rolled backwards and she fainted.  I could still hear the frog croaking from deep within her, ‘Ribbit!  Ribitt!  Ribbit!’  It was lodged in her windpipe.  I knew if I didn’t act quickly she would asphyxiate.”

“I struggled to pull her out of bed so that I could stand her up and perform the Heimlich maneuver.  And although Desireé weighs only one hundred five pounds it was like trying to lug dead weight.  She was out cold.”

“Suddenly I got this surge of adrenaline.  I didn’t even know my own strength because the next thing I knew, not only had I pulled Desireé out of the bed — but she was flying across the room.  I watched in horror as she hit the wall and fell to the floor.”

“The good news was that when Desireé’s body hit the wall the impact dislodged the frog from her windpipe and it popped out.  The bad news was what cushioned her fall and saved her from breaking any bones.  The entire bedroom floor was crawling with locusts and frogs.  It was the most disgusting sight I had ever seen.”

“Suddenly the locusts rose in a swarm and started flying around the room.  The air grew so thick with locusts that it was impossible to see even my own hand.  All I could hear was a loud chorus of, “Ribbit!  Ribbit!  Ribbit!” accompanied by the buzzing of locusts flying everywhere – and Desireé screaming, ‘Porgie, where are you?’”

“I’m coming, Pussycat!”

“When I finally reached Desireé she was sobbing hysterically, ‘I thought I was having the best sex of my life and it turned out to be my worst nightmare!’  Then suddenly a locust swooped down and landed directly on Desireé’s nose.  That’s when she totally lost it.”

Paul stopped talking.  He looked like a broken man.

“Paul, are you all right?”

“She lost her mind.”

For a long time we both sat in silence.  Then Paul said, “How can it be that the two women I married both ended up losing their minds?”

“That’s the proverbial question.”

“Joanie, would you please ask The Redhead Riter to remove the curse?  I’ve had enough.  I want my wife back.”

“Which one?” I asked.