A Bad Marriage Is Fattening
Can a bad marriage really be fattening? Yes it can! In my own bad marriage I went from 125 pounds to 275 pounds 20 years later. This is the story of how my unhappy marriage made me fat — and how I divorced my husband and moved on to a happier new life.

Curse Of The Redhead Riter: Part 3 Porgie And Pussycat

Paul continued telling me his story. . .

“I debated if I should wake Desireé and tell her that there was a frog in our bed.  But then I had second thoughts.  For some strange reason the two things that Desireé feared most in life were locusts and frogs.  If Desireé knew that she had sex with a frog — I guarantee you it would have blown her mind.  I figured that since Desireé had this phobia about frogs – the best thing that I could do was catch the frog, put it outside and never tell Desireé about it.”

“Desireé was sound asleep.  I guess that orgasm she had really knocked her out.  So I reached over to catch the frog, but it was too fast.  It jumped and landed on her breasts.  Then it started hopping back and forth.  ‘Ohhh Paul,’ Desireé moaned in her sleep, ‘I just love the way you’re fondling my breasts!’  I reached over again to catch the frog, but it hopped away and I ended up smacking Desireé on the breasts.  She let out a passionate squeal, ‘Ohhh, I like it, big boy!  You’re so forceful tonight!’”

“Desireé are you awake?”

“Her eyes were still closed but this big smile spread across her face and she said, ‘Yes, I’m awake – and I’m enjoying every minute of your erotic foreplay.  You’re turning me on!’”

“But why are your eyes closed?”

“Because if this is a dream I don’t want to wake up.  Paul, you’ve never been like this before – you’re like an animal tonight!”

“More like an amphibian.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, Desireé, just keep your eyes closed.”

“Okay Porgie – you’re in control.  I want you to totally dominate me!”

I let out an ear-piercing scream.  “She called you Porgie?!!!”

“Joanie, I can explain.  Desireé loved that I called her pussycat — and she wanted a name to call me.  So I said, ‘Why don’t you just call me Porgie?’”

“That was my nickname for you!”

“I know, Joanie – but we’re not married anymore.”

“Oh forget it.  You wouldn’t understand.  Did you ever end up catching the frog?”

“I tried, but once again it got away — and this time it landed smack dab on Desireé’s lips.  She opened her mouth and kissed the frog thinking she was kissing me.  I screamed out in horror, ‘No Desireé don’t open your mouth!’  But it was too late.  The frog disappeared down her throat.  Desireé’s eyes opened wide.  She had this look of total bewilderment on her face.  And out of her mouth came this croaking sound, ‘Ribbit!  Ribbit!  Ribitt!’”

“‘Pussycat,’ I said to Desireé, ‘I need you to remain calm, but you just swallowed a frog.’”

(To be continued. . .)

12 Responses to “Curse Of The Redhead Riter: Part 3 Porgie And Pussycat”

  1. I can see Paul’s epitaph now…Our beloved Porgie, a frog was his end. Now I must remain calm to see just how much she freaks!

    Too funny…you are on a roll here for sure.

  2. Bev, and believe me Desireé is going to freak! And the good news is that you will not have to wait long to find out how much she freaks! Part 4 will be the end of the Curse Of The Redhead Riter saga — and I will return back to posting A Bad Marriage Is Fattening.

  3. I’m anxiously awaiting the rest of your story. I keep checking back for it. You had me laughing so hard.

    I thought you might enjoy this post: http://manicmondays123.blogspot.com/2010/12/today-is-my-anniversary-and-im.html

  4. Doreen, thank you for checking back. Part 4 will be posted very soon.

    I did read your post celebrating your 16th anniversary of being free of your ex-husband — and I enjoyed it very much!

  5. Uhhh, f-r-e-a-k-y. LOL Sex with a frog and then swallowing it definitely isn’t my idea of a good time. Didn’t Paul ever have anything “big” enough to hold your attention?

    Did I just say that?

  6. I am thinking that Paul may decide he made a mistake leaving you and wants you back again. After all he is spilling his guts to you now. You know how someone always wants what they cannot have?

    • Katlupe, I can assure you that Paul does not want me back. The only reason he was spilling his guts to me was that he knew The Redhead Riter had placed the curse on him and he was hoping that I would feel sorry for him and ask The Redhead Riter to end the curse!

  7. Merry Christmas Joan!

    Sending lots of love and hugs to you on this very special day.

  8. Merry Christmas, Joan. I send you some of the snow we received today…it has to be virtual but I wanted you to enjoy it too.

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