A Bad Marriage Is Fattening
Can a bad marriage really be fattening? Yes it can! In my own bad marriage I went from 125 pounds to 275 pounds 20 years later. This is the story of how my unhappy marriage made me fat — and how I divorced my husband and moved on to a happier new life.

CHAPTER 6: DO YOU EVER THINK OF ME?

I was heartbroken when Paul walked out on me Christmas of 1975.  I lost my appetite.  I couldn’t stop crying.

The first week of January 1976 Mother had an appointment for a root canal.  I went with her to the dentist.  We were sitting in the waiting room.  I was thinking about Paul.  All of a sudden I burst out crying.

“Honey, is this your first root canal?  There’s nothing to be scared of.  They numb you so you don’t feel any pain,” a kindly older woman said to me.

I turned to Mother still crying, “I wish they could numb my heart.”

All eyes in the waiting room turned on Mother.  “Her fiancé just walked out on her,” Mother explained to the room full of strangers.  “They were supposed to get married over Christmas.”

All eyes turned sympathetically on me.

“Oh, what a shame,” one woman said.

“What a sad way to start the New Year.”

“You’ll meet someone else.  You’re young and pretty.”

“You’ll find another man who will love and appreciate you.”

I was the hot topic of conversation.

“What did he do?” someone inquired of Mother as I continued to cry.

“He’s a doctor,” Mother said.

“Ohhh, a doctor!”

“She lost a doctor!”

Mother was called in for her root canal.

The kindly older woman continued to try and comfort me.  “Honey, someday you’ll look back and this will be a distant memory.”

Thirty-five years later when I finally did look back I would see it from an entirely different perspective.  I would feel anger towards Paul at the cowardly way he had packed up all his belongings and walked out on me.  But at the time it was happening all I could do was grieve at losing Paul.  Anger was the furthest thing from my mind.  I was sad, lonely and hurt.  I wanted Paul back.

“Joanie,” comes Paul’s imaginary voice in the back of my mind, “it’s taken you thirty-five years to get angry with me?  I thought you were going to come charging into the hospital!  I warned everyone if they saw you not to let you come near me.  Everyone was all geared up to see a good fight and then you disappointed everyone by never showing up.”

Now it dawns upon me, yes, that’s what I should have done!  I should have gone to the hospital and told Paul off, instead of sitting on the couch in total shock like a wimp!  I internalized Paul’s walking out on me as being my fault!  I wasn’t enough.

I even remembered seeing Paul in the midst of moving his things out and it didn’t even register.

I had gone grocery shopping and when I came home I parked my car in the underground garage of our apartment complex.  I was carrying a bag of groceries when Paul and I passed each other in the underground garage.  He was carrying a big box towards his car.  I remembered him being startled when he saw me and saying that he had decided to donate his medical books to the medical library at the hospital.  He said they were old and outdated.  I was so naive.  I didn’t suspect a thing.

Actually Paul was very devious.  So that I wouldn’t notice that he was moving his things out, Paul replaced all of his boxes on the closet shelf with empty boxes.  I only discovered this after my parents came to move me.  They wondered why all the boxes on the closet shelf were empty.

I made it for a little over four weeks without calling Paul.  But finally I couldn’t resist any longer.  I called Paul the last week in January.

I wasn’t sure if he would even talk to me when he heard my voice or hang up on me.

“Paul,” I blurted out when he answered the phone, “I miss you.”

There was a long silence.

“Paul?”

“Yes, Joanie.”

“Do you ever think of me?”

“I think of you, Joanie.”

“Can we see each other?”

Another long silence.

“Okay, Joanie, let’s go out for dinner this Saturday.  I’ll pick you up at your parents’ house.”

I was so excited to see Paul that I changed my outfit three times.  I had lost ten pounds.  I weighed one hundred and twenty pounds.

We went out to dinner.  It felt like old times.

That evening I initiated sex with Paul.  We made love passionately.

Our relationship started all over again.

3 Responses to “CHAPTER 6: DO YOU EVER THINK OF ME?”

  1. Hi there, I found you by the “heart” tag. I’m connecting with people who are on some level like minded. So I hope to speak to you in the near future.

    Thanks for your post. I read it. Thanks for sharing
    regarding this line:
    “you’ll find another man who will love and appreciate you.”

    you are the one who has access to your thoughts and feelings. you should be the one who appreciates your thoughts and feelings.

  2. Once again a blog that did not disappoint!!! Once again you kept me hanging. : ) Cant wait for next entry.


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