A Bad Marriage Is Fattening
Can a bad marriage really be fattening? Yes it can! In my own bad marriage I went from 125 pounds to 275 pounds 20 years later. This is the story of how my unhappy marriage made me fat — and how I divorced my husband and moved on to a happier new life.

Chapter 2: My Fair Writer

When Grandma died I wanted to call Paul so badly and tell him she had died.  I wanted him to come to the funeral with me.  I wanted to cry on his shoulder.  I wanted him to wipe away my tears.  I wanted him to tell me we were back together again.  There were so many things I wanted from Paul, but I resisted every impulse to call him.

Six weeks went by and I never heard from Paul.  I never got that phone call that every woman who breaks up with a man they love wishes to get.  The phone call when he tells her he misses her, that he made the biggest mistake of his life breaking up with her, and that he has finally come to his senses.

How I dreamed about getting this phone call from Paul:


“Hellooo. . .” I answer in my sexiest voice.

“Joanie, I miss you.  I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with you. I’ve finally come to my senses.  I know that you can’t see me because we’re on the phone, but I’m on one bent knee.  I love you, Joanie.  There’s no other woman in the world for me.  If you say yes to marrying me, I will worship you!  I will cherish you!  I will give you children!  I will have your architect brother design us a home!  And I know how much you love animals so we will have cats and dogs!  We will be a family, Joanie — isn’t that what you’ve always said you’ve wanted, for us to be a family?  And we will grow old together.  Oh, Joanie, I’ve been such a fool not to have seen what an incredible woman you are.  You are the most loving, the most caring, the most beautiful and the most sexy woman I have ever met.  I love you with my heart and my soul.  Will you marry me, Joanie, and make me the happiest man in the world?”

Well, I have absolutely no idea what Paul is drinking, but whatever it is I’m going to make sure that when we’re married to have the wine cooler well stocked with it.

“Paul is this a real proposal or are you drunk?”

“I’m drunk on love, Joanie.  Just the thought of you has me intoxicated.”

“Well, I don’t know what to say, Paul.”

“Say you’ll marry me!” Paul says giggling.

“You’re so giggly.  I’ve never heard you like this before.”

“This is the new me, Joanie.  The new giggly Paul.  Do you like the new and improved giggly Paul?” Paul asks giggling.

“Very much.”

“And did you like my marriage proposal?”

“You said everything that a woman would ever wish to hear.”

“I wrote all my thoughts down so I wouldn’t forget anything.”

“It was very heartfelt.”

“So what do you say, Joanie?  Will you marry this old fool and we’ll get started working on a family right away?”

“Yes, old fool, I’ll marry you!”

But of course, dear reader, no such phone call ever came in from Paul.   It seemed that Paul was getting along just fine without me and had moved on with his life.

But I couldn’t move on with my life.  All I did was obsess about Paul.  Morning, noon and night I was obsessing about Paul and wondering why he hadn’t called me.  How could he move on with his life without me?  My mind flashed back to the year 1970. . .

I was twenty-six years old.  I was slim and beautiful and had just started dating Paul.

Paul was a geek.  But I liked geeks.  Especially if that geek was a doctor.  My specialty it seemed was falling in love with doctors.  In fact, dear reader, a little fact that I haven’t mentioned to you before, I had already been married once before to a doctor.  I married him when I was twenty-one and we divorced when I was twenty-six.  I refer to that marriage as a long date that didn’t work out.  And it’s much too long a story to go into now.  I want to continue on with my story about Paul.

Paul was thirty-eight years old.  Twelve years older than me.  We had only been dating for a short time when Paul said to me, “Joanie, tell me what you really want to do with your life if you could do anything?”

I didn’t even have to think twice.

“I want to be a writer.”

“How would you go about doing that?”

“I want to go to UCLA Film School and learn how to write screenplays.  Only it’s really hard to get in.  The competition is really stiff.”

“Do you think you can get in?”

I nodded my head.  “I would have to submit a sample of my writing.”

“You think you’re that good of a writer?”

I nodded my head.

“You seem pretty sure of yourself.”

“It’s has always been my dream to be a writer.”

Paul stared at me intently.  “Joanie, quit your job.  I’m going to give you a chance to go after your dream.”

At the time I was working as an office manager in a dental office.  A job that I absolutely despised.  A job where I counted the minutes and the hours until the office day ended and I was free to go home and write.  Everyday I would drag myself into work and feel like my life was slowly being drained out of me.

“But how will I support myself?” I asked.

“I’ll support you,” Paul said.  “Give me all your bills, tell me how much it cost for all your living expenses and I’ll pay for everything.”

I could not believe what I was hearing!

“Then I want you to apply to UCLA Film School, and if you get in I’ll pay for your college education,” Paul said.

“You’d do all that for me,” I asked flabbergasted, “but, why?”

“Because I don’t want you to live your life thinking, ‘I could have been a writer, if only I had the chance.’”

I fell so deeply in love with Paul for wanting to help me make my dream come true.  And I truly believed that Paul loved me too.

It wasn’t until many years later that I finally understood.  Paul fancied himself to be Professor Henry Higgins in the movie, My Fair Lady.

And he was looking to cast the role of Eliza Doolittle, when along came Joan Oshatz, a beautiful, young, aspiring writer.  Paul had finally found his perfect Eliza Doolittle when he met me.

10 Responses to “Chapter 2: My Fair Writer”

  1. this story is getting better all the time. Keep it going!!

  2. I really enjoyed this and look forward to the next part of your story. I am still in awe of your style of writing.

  3. Hi Joanie.. just read your new entry. Again, I could relate to everything you wrote. Looking forward to your next entry. Great work!
    PS Thank you for your kind message to me. You are truly an amazing woman and I’m sure great things are coming your way. 🙂

  4. Your writing style and your blog is fabulous! Paul was a fool not to understand and believe the awesomeness that he had in you. Even Professor Henry Higgins realized what a gem Eliza was before it was too late.



  5. Paul got his wish to make you write. He certainly provided plenty of plot and dialogue inspiration.

  6. So it’s Wednesday, Feb. 3 and I’m so curious to read the results of your Monday weigh in & read the next installment. I know reality has a way of getting in the way. Thinking good thoughts for you & your goals.

  7. Joan, every so often I’ve looked you up on the Internet and never found you till the other day, when I came across your blog. It’s amazing and I’m sure it will lead to amazing things for you.

    • Thank you for your kind words, Sondra. Do we know each other? You didn’t leave any clue as to who you were so I was wondering why you were looking me up on the Internet. Before my blog, A Bad Marriage Is Fattening which I started January 1, 2010, I was not on the Internet.

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